Pageboy: A Memoir

In “Speedo,” Page recalls being distraught when, at about 10 years old, he was unable to play co-ed soccer anymore. When he was forced to play on a girls’ team, there was a brief time when people assumed that he was a boy because of his short hair. When he hit puberty, began to develop breasts, and got his period, Page says, “I didn’t transform into me—the me I knew I was—like the other boys did” (139).

At this age, Page found hope with his friend, Tim, with whom he played soccer on the co-ed team. In the summer, Page and Tim would play together at Tim’s home, where Tim’s father set up a kiddie pool for them to swim in. The first time this happened, Page did not have a swimsuit with him, and Tim’s father gave him a Speedo to wear. To Page, the Speedo was “a sacred talisman” and he felt, “a rush of joy” wearing it (140).

When Page became an adult, he found it hard to visit his father and stepmother. The pain of his childhood at their home is still something he has never been able to discuss with his father and stepmother, and he constantly feels like he has to perform happiness when he is there.