Elena Vanishing

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of disordered eating (anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa), self-harm, mental illness (including psychosis), rape, and pregnancy loss.

Elena Dunkle is the focus and narrator of Elena Vanishing, a memoir about The Physical and Psychological Experiences of Living with an Eating Disorder and the journey of recovery. In the beginning, Elena is self-obsessed and hyper-focused on The Desire for Perfection and Total Self-Control: “Perfection. That’s what I want people to see when they look at me. Nothing but perfection” (3). She hates being pitied and sees attempts to help her as forms of attacks or control. Privately (and sometimes aloud), Elena competes with the professionals, always trying to stay on top of their attempts to change her mind about food: “Hey, you big bad psychiatrists and bitchy nurses, I’m not your victim. I’m not some cute little girl who’s going to get yelled at and cry. You want to lock me up? Go right ahead! But you better want what you want as much as I do” (32). Her confrontational tone, communicated via her use of imperatives and short, punchy sentences, encapsulates her attitude toward treatment at this point.